Conflict resolution thread

[Joe Blow]

I'm going to experiment with a new idea here to help deal with both off topic threads and conflict between ASF members. This thread was suggested to me some time ago by another ASF member and I think the time has come to implement it.

All off topic posts that involve conflict or disputes between ASF members will be moved to this thread so they can resolve their issues here and hopefully other threads can be kept constructive and on topic.

Once posts are moved to this thread there can be no personal attacks, or insults. Conflict must be resolved through dialogue and discussion.

This thread is not to be used to flame others, but to resolve conflict and bury hatchets.

 

[Julia]

Great idea. Will you be overseeing to ensure the rules you outline above are kept, Joe?

 

[Joe Blow]

Great idea. Will you be overseeing to ensure the rules you outline above are kept, Joe?

Absolutely. This thread will only succeed if the above rules are adhered to. Once the posts are moved to this thread there are to be no insults or personal attacks. However, reasonable criticism of behaviour, attitude or posting style is permitted as long as it part of a constructive dialogue with the aim of resolving conflict or other disputes.

 

[explod]

Good one Joe

 

[SirRumpole]

Conflict ?

Us ?

 

[Joe Blow]

Conflict ?

Us ?

Those who can't work out their differences in this thread will be referred to the "Group therapy thread".... coming soon!

 

[Garpal Gumnut]

What an excellent idea .

gg

 

[piggybank]

I second that explod

Hopefully Joe this will reduce the indifference's some of the members have here - for your sake.

Keep up the excellent work Joe much appreciated by me - and many others here (I presume?)

Regards
PB

 

[burglar]

... and bury hatchets.

Ok! There has been a conflict!

I own up to being a party, ...

Where are youse others, then?

 

[Joe Blow]

Hi burglar, the purpose of this thread is to save useful, constructive threads from being taken off-topic by petty bickering. I hope that most people would already do all they can to avoid unnecessary conflict and take steps to resolve any disputes they have with other ASF members.

Here are some useful tips to avoiding conflict with others:

• Don't insult or personally attack others.
• Don't bait or deliberately provoke others.
• Discuss the topic at hand, not those participating in the discussion.
• Don't put words into people's mouths.
• Avoid adopting a bullying, confrontationalist attitude towards others.
• Don't misrepresent people's positions or arguments by creating straw men.
• Discuss and debate, but don't lecture others.
• Use your ignore list to filter out the posts of those you find irritating.
• Agree to disagree when it is obvious that you are never going to find any common ground in a debate.
• Always treat others with a basic level of courtesy and respect.

That's a pretty good guide to avoiding conflict on forums. I also like to imagine that I'm standing in front of someone speaking to them when I post. That helps me stay on point and remain courteous even when frustrated. People are usually more civil and restrained when discussing things face to face with others.

 

[orr]

Conflict must be resolved through dialogue and discussion.

bury hatchets.

What???? no pistols or swords?..... Best of luck with this one Pangloss......

 

[basilio]

Ok I'll bite.

I totally agree that it would be great to have constructive, articulate and thoughtful discussions. And it would be equally fantastic to reduce nasty comments (in fact I think the tone of comments has improved substantially in the last few months. I just havn't seen as much nastiness as there was previously)

My thoughts are that the net as a whole has spawned whole areas of misinformation. lies, deception. In that context people can easily come to believe certain ideas or "facts" or even whole belief systems with almost total certainty - and then insist that this is true. The Gospel. The Koran.

In that sense it can be very, very hard to have a "rational" discussion when the most basic elements are disputed. For example the Birthers argument about President Obama. The reach of the Illuminati.

So we come back to perhaps not trying to agree with each other but setting guidelines for behavior.

In previous discussions I referred to other website comments rules as possible ways to encourage better behavior. For what its worth consider MamaMia website. Obviously it is far, far bigger than ASF but perhaps the principles and the tone are still worth considering.

Comment Guidelines: Imagine you’re at a dinner party. Different opinions are welcome but keep it respectful or the host will show you the door. We have zero tolerance for any abuse of our writers, our editorial team or other commenters. You can read a more detailed outline of our commenting guidelines HERE.

And if you’re offensive, you’ll be blacklisted and all your comments will go directly to spam. Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That’s how we’re going to be – cool. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation.

Read more at http://www.mamamia.com.au/social/cash-for-a-wedding-gift-not-classy/#GlFF5zjGoFgiddE7.99

http://www.mamamia.com.au/social/commenting-policy/

 

[pixel]

Ok I'll bite.

I totally agree that it would be great to have constructive, articulate and thoughtful discussions. And it would be equally fantastic to reduce nasty comments (in fact I think the tone of comments has improved substantially in the last few months. I just havn't seen as much nastiness as there was previously)

My thoughts are that the net as a whole has spawned whole areas of misinformation. lies, deception. In that context people can easily come to believe certain ideas or "facts" or even whole belief systems with almost total certainty - and then insist that this is true. The Gospel. The Koran.

In that sense it can be very, very hard to have a "rational" discussion when the most basic elements are disputed. For example the Birthers argument about President Obama. The reach of the Illuminati.

So we come back to perhaps not trying to agree with each other but setting guidelines for behavior.

In previous discussions I referred to other website comments rules as possible ways to encourage better behavior. For what its worth consider MamaMia website. Obviously it is far, far bigger than ASF but perhaps the principles and the tone are still worth considering.

http://www.mamamia.com.au/social/commenting-policy/

Hi Basilio,

I never interpreted the title to apply to conflicting opinions. Otherwise, we could never have discussion threads about Labor or Religion or Abbott or even Technical vs Fundamental Analysis.
I'd rather take Joe's intention as an attempt to defuse personal conflict that can get out of hand, between some combatants on opposite ends of emotion-laden or irrational belief systems.

Earlier this year I watched a Q&A episode on ABC. Dawkins and Pell, among others, discussed religious beliefs vs atheism. Although on opposite ends, they didn't come to blows, neither physically nor verbally. Well, not much of the latter either. We may differ on the subject, even pity each other to some extent for being indoctrinated to the point of not seeing things "our way", but still maintain respect for the opponent as a person.

We can phrase our objection to each other's opinion without resorting to objectionable personal attacks.
If the latter becomes an issue, if the debate shifts focus from "the ball to the man" so to say, that's when I'd recommend the offenders be relegated to this thread and, if they persist misbehaving, cop a ban.

 

[Logique]

Redirect the entire climate hysteria thread into here

 

[trainspotter]

Hotchkiss identified what she called the seven deadly sins of narcissism.

Shamelessness: Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.

Magical thinking: Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.

Arrogance: A narcissist who is feeling deflated may reinflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.

Envy: A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person's ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.

Entitlement: Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special.

Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an "awkward" or "difficult" person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.

Exploitation: Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.

Bad boundaries: Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist, there is no boundary between self and other.

Sound familiar?

 

[Tisme]

I like it when Godwin's Law kicks in after taking exception to Poe's Law. Sure recipe for fireworks

Then there are the other laws like Skitt's Law, Parker’s Law, Cohen’s Law, DeMyer's 0-4 Laws, Pommer’s Law, Scopie’s Law, The Law of Exclamation and the best one: Rule 34

!!! """"

 

[SirRumpole]

I like it when Godwin's Law kicks in after taking exception to Poe's Law. Sure recipe for fireworks

Then there are the other laws like Skitt's Law, Parker’s Law, Cohen’s Law, DeMyer's 0-4 Laws, Pommer’s Law, Scopie’s Law, The Law of Exclamation and the best one: Rule 34

!!! """"

Rule 303 ?

Lucky we don't know where other posters live

 

[trainspotter]

Apologies to Rudyard Kipling:-

When Pack meets with Pack in the Jungle, and neither will go from the trail,
Lie down till the leaders have spoken -- it may be fair words shall prevail.


The Law of the Jungle

 

[Tisme]

Rule 303 ?

Lucky we don't know where other posters live

That would be a big 404 error

 

[explod]

Hotchkiss identified what she called the seven deadly sins of narcissism.

Shamelessness: Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.

Magical thinking: Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.

Arrogance: A narcissist who is feeling deflated may reinflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.

Envy: A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person's ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.

Entitlement: Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special.

Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an "awkward" or "difficult" person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.

Exploitation: Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.

Bad boundaries: Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist, there is no boundary between self and other.

Sound familiar?

It has a catostrphic effect on family, my Mother still alive has done untold damage within our large Family. Fortunately as the eldest my role of caring for people came early and I grew from it.